Welcome to The Letter Home - my weekly newsletter about building financial confidence on the path to the life you want 🏡
Each week, we break down one meaningful money concept and leave you with an exercise that you can use to put it into practice.
This week, we're looking at the invisible force behind most of your spending decisions 👇️
A couple of years ago, a friend of mine bought a $1,200 watch.
He made $55,000 a year. Didn’t have an emergency fund. Student loans. Credit card debt from a trip the year before.
When I asked him about it, he didn't say "I needed a watch." He said "I just felt like I deserved it."
There's an entire industry built around making you confuse a psychological need with a product. And your brain cooperates!
Brain imaging studies show that luxury brand logos light up the same reward circuits as food when you're hungry. It’s biology.
We worked with someone, Kayla, who tracked her unplanned purchases for 60 days. She didn’t write down the amounts, she wrote down what she was feeling before each one.
Those logs captured a pattern:
After a rough day at work, she'd buy clothes.
After scrolling Instagram and seeing a friend's vacation, she'd browse flights.
After an argument with her partner, she'd have a package ordered within the hour.
Every purchase mapped to a feeling she was trying to fix.
Over 60 days, her unplanned spending hit $3,400 (that's over $20,000 a year).
Before you buy something that isn't a clear necessity, try asking one question:
What need am I actually trying to meet right now?
If the answer is "I want people to see me a certain way," that's an esteem need. A purchase might satisfy it for an afternoon. It won't last the week.
If the answer is "I feel disconnected," that's a belonging need. A brand might give you a temporary version of that. But it fades fast.
If the answer is "I'm bored" or "I'm stressed," the purchase is a distraction. And distractions have a price tag that compounds.
Buying things you enjoy is part of a good life.
The shift to focus on is from spending on autopilot to spending on purpose.
When you can name the real need behind a purchase, you can decide whether it actually meets that need, or whether you're about to pay $200 for a feeling that'll be gone by tomorrow.
Take Action
This week, before every non-essential purchase, run it through these four steps:
Name the feeling. What emotion are you experiencing right now? Stressed, bored, inadequate, restless — be specific.
Name the need. What are you actually looking for? Belonging, esteem, comfort, excitement? Match it to what's driving the urge, not the item itself.
Wait 48 hours. Put the item in your cart or on a list, but don't buy it yet. After 48 hours, check in. Is the need still there? Did it pass on its own?
Track the results. At the end of the week, add up what you didn't buy. Write one sentence about what need each purchase was trying to fill.
Most people who do this find that 40-60% of their non-essential purchases were driven by a feeling that passed within a day. The money adds up fast.
The goal isn't to stop spending, it's to start choosing.
Until next week,
Darren McLellan
Editor-in-Chief @ The Letter Home
